So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
