She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
