Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
