why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he thought i was a dude.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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