Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
