I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
