sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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