I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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