you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
