We're facebook friends in real life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i drank out of a bidet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
