I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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