I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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