trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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