just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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