Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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