my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
