Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
