The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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