What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
