All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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