all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
