He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
