i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
