He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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