I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
