Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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