I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
