i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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