Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Text me some of your sweat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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