I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
