I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
