They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
