sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
