I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your penis caused this!
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