so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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