I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
