Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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