I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
