i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
