I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
