Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
