dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
