Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
