omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
