Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize