how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
