it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize