So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
