I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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