Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
