i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
