hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
God, I missed his penis.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
