and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
