So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
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do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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