I molested 6 butterflies tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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