I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"