Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.