WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?