just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.