Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND