Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.