did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.