Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You made out with two different species that night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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