dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
