so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
