we have pet lesbian snakes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
