thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
