The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
