If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
