Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
