She's JV to your varsity
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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