I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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