I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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